Stage fright

I have been playing/accompanying people on the piano for over 28+years..and I must admit that I have a fair amount of performance anxiety. Now that I am older, I manage it with more finesse. But I just can't control my body's learned response to an upcoming piano event.

I sweat. Large amounts of sweat. Mostly on my palms and armpit regions. It's disgusting actually. When I was young I did a fair amount of piano competitions. My heart would race, the sweating would commence and I would have a difficult time remembering the things I had practiced so diligently. (everything was memorized) some performances were dismal, although most were adequate if not inspiring. But those moments of sheer terror gave me a foundation for performance that I am grateful for.

My parents were so kind and encouraging when I performed. I remember once sweating so much I had embarrassing marks on a lovely dress my mother had sewn for me. My dad gave me his suit coat and drove me home to change. Once I fell after a big competition and ripped my tights. My dad dried my tears and bought me some candy peanuts and we had a nice day.

Over the years performances began to be more successful. I didn't have to memorize as an adult and the music in front of me gave me comfort. Accompanying people there is less limelight and less pressure. I got lots of complements and appreciated my talent so much...but still the sweating persisted! The physical reaction to the performance day still happens.

Sunday I had the annual Chamber Concert. I was accompanying the choir and bells and also a fair amount of church things. I wanted in my head to be perfect for each of them. But I am tired and getting older and have so many things to keep track of.


I made sure to eat a healthy breakfast and get protein in my body for the event. I drank a Dr. Pepper for my nerves. I had panty liners in my dress on the armpits and gloves on my hands for warmth and sweat absorption. I used positive self talk in my head. (you can do this etc)


And mostly it worked. My intro to the first piece was pretty fast and I botched it pretty awfully...but I kept impeccable rhythm and I think if you weren't familiar with the song, you wouldn't notice. I had a few other boffles but mostly got through it ok. I think I need to learn to be satisfied with an adequate if not perfect performance and people were very kind and complimentary.


My point in all of this is that...most people wouldn't know this is such a struggle for me. I've practiced for years and have mainly overcome and been able to have great performances. I think if you stick with something and don't let your weaknesses get you down you can do anything.

And I wanted to document something about my sweating. My sweaty hands have been a bane of my existence forever and the blog needs record of that. For all the stake dances that I went to with cold clammy hands. All the instruments I dripped over.

Me and my sweaty hands sometimes make beautiful music.

And for that I am grateful.