Remembering

Sometimes I have a really hard time falling asleep. I think this may be a combination of anxiety, night shifting and just plain old age? But one of the best techniques I have found for go to sleep is remembering.

I get really cozy, close my eyes and go back. Mostly I go way back. To my child hood and my child hood home. When I am remembering sometimes I will pull stuff out that I had really forgotten. This is fun. I like to go back to my yard. It was a magical place. I revisit the front yard where I would spread out a towel and lay in the sun. There was a bush with very shiny leaves. There was a large hydrangea. I remember what it smelled like when my dad would mow it. I remember the chive plant that was on the side of the house with the rhubarb. I remember the fence with the slats in it in the backyard, and the wooden fence that surrounded our front yard. I remember when there where huge trees and the year we cut them down we had some really great stumps. I used to climb some of the trees. I would go over the back fence and sometimes visit the neighbors house to baby sit. They had an exotic house with African art. The back yard also had a very old shed. There was bark dust and rhododendrons. There was the play house and the green wagon. Which makes me think of the neighbor Johnny and when he cut his leg on it and my mom lifted him and carried him with super human strength. Then I remember the neighbors house where Johnny's grandma lived and her very cool rotary telephone. Which makes me remember babysitting down the street and microwaving hot dogs with cheese inside them. Then sometimes I like to remember riding my banana bike bare foot. And also my ten speed to Clackamas Town Center. I also like to visit my old play house and swing set. This sometimes takes me back to my bus stop and then to walking home from school through all the neighborhoods. When I have remembered all of this I will go back into my child hood house. I will feel the shag carpeting under my toes. I will go to my very first bedroom which was pink. I will crawl under my scratchy blanket and get warm. I will wander into the kitchen and check out the old linoleum and the 70's patterned curtains. I will sit at the table and stare at the china hutch. I will go over to the vent and let the warm air warm me up. I will sit in the rocking chair and put my feet on the old wood stove. Sometimes I will go to the garage and climb into the old 50's jeep my dad had and sit on the cushion and shift the gears. I will go to the freezer and look for treats. I will hear the old cuckoo clock and see the laundry basket and temple picture at the end of the hall. I will open up the hallway closet and smell the sheets. I will sit in the patterned couch and listen to the record player. I will dance in the family room near the black piano and the stereo. I do this all in my mind. And then I feel really really peaceful and usually I go to sleep with a smile on my face.

It amazes me that I can remember so many details from so long ago. I sometimes try to do this with other houses I have lived in since I was older. I sometimes visit Iowa in my mind but I can't remember little things like I do farther back. I do like to visit times in my life... like when I had my babies and I like to go back to hold them and play with them and enjoy those happy times in my mind. Your mind can be a powerful tool for good and remembering good things and good times is a good thing to do.