Trying to Understand

This week my cousin died. She was only 42. She had been in poor health for some time and we are happy that she is at peace and not suffering. She is also reunited with her mom, my Aunt. She leaves behind a beautiful family and devoted husband.

Learning about this loss though has made me profoundly sad. I was not extremely close to my cousin in the last few years but from birth to 21 she was one of my favorite people. I idolized her. Every family gathering, we were together. Being at my Aunt and Uncle's house, we made up shows to perform and sang to my Uncle's record collection.
We swam and played and spent the night. I wore her hand me downs. She explained the facts of life to me.

My cousin was beautiful and classy. She drove me to BYU my first semester and we took Marriage Prep together. Mostly, I took notes and she skipped class to be with her fiance Jim. They had a beautiful wedding in Portland and made a life together, mostly in Bountiful Utah. We saw each other every 5 or so years. The last time I saw her was at my Aunt's funeral. Kimmy gave me a big hug and we cried.

So this weekend I have been fighting a cold and mostly just thinking. Thinking about how unfair life is sometimes and trying to understand our trials. I think my cousin and her family have had a really disproportionate share of hard times the last few years. Why is that?

I booked my ticket to fly down to Utah to be there for her service. I will get to see Stefani and my mom and other extended family so that will be very nice. I have to believe that in the end when we pass to the next life, we will understand the reasons behind our trials and our sufferings and that every wrong will be right. Because of His atonement we will live again and see our families again. We can really be together forever.