Forgiveness

Today I am feeling the Spirit. We had a really beautiful sacrament meeting today. One of the promises in my patriarchal blessing is something to the effect that at the end of my life I will feel no ill will towards any of God's creations.


It's pretty safe to say that my life is not nearing it's end. I seem to nurse a few grudges these days.

Some of that is just small town stuff. You can't live in a place around people and really get to know them without ruffling a few feathers. I'm not really talking about that though.


It seems to me that a consequence of the days we live in is the incivility and contentiousness that we wade through even amongst our family members.

It is hard to watch someone we love experience the very depths of hell, often at the hands of one who should love them. Someone who sees only their own selfish needs and is oblivious to their own hypocrisy, and self righteousness. And so we truly mourn with those who mourn.

Similarly, it is hard to try to make amends with someone and be denied the gift of
forgiveness. When we have unintentionally offended and then done everything in our
power to make it right and yet...the person will not accept it. What then do we do? I have lost a dear friend over the last year. We had an honest disagreement that didn't end well. I let some time go by and then tried an email, a card, a smile, a wave and yet nothing is accepted. I am no more considered a friend. And so, every Sunday I
play the prelude, conscious not to let my gaze linger too long over her pew. But, today I played a song for her. It was one of her favorites, I believe. "Come Thou Font of Every Blessing". I smiled to myself as I played it for her. She will probably NEVER
know. But, I promised myself that I will play it every week for her until the Lord softens her heart and she can forgive me. And so that gave me some great comfort.

From the book, Christ's Ideals For Living:

Magnanimity is defined as "a loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain meanness and revenge." Men pass many other tests and fail on this one. To bear trouble calmly..The sum of the matter is, that more than the hurts we suffer, we wrong ourselves by nursing our resentments, destroying our good will and losing our serenity and poise.

Forgiving is the magnanimous alternative. As much as I struggle to forgive at times I long to be forgiven.

In the meantime...I'll keep playing my song.