The Dog Likes Me

Sometimes it's a stretch to find a photo that I can put on the blog. I think it's because I am not in that "snap a picture of myself and everyone around me" phase of life that I used to be in. Probably because I am almost 43. Getting picture ready is a process. And I do mean that. And the angles from which I look good are harder to find.. and really... do you want a picture of me? I rest my case.

So todays picture I found on Kris's computer archives. It is of Stef and Kris this summer. I miss this girl and I"m glad she is coming home for the summer in a month.

I think it's official that I am in my pre birthday, spring depression. One of the benefits of having a blog or any type of a record of your life is that you can see patterns. And I am usually not feeling the sunshine in March. I checked back through the archives and noted that my March entries are usually not real inspiring.

So here goes another one... I am here today alone.. with the dog. The dog really likes me. I mean really. I sleep most nights with the dog. She likes to run errands with me... and she even wants to follow me in to the bathroom. I have to draw the line somewhere. I see the dog more than anyone, including and most especially my husband. He is busy coaching basketball still and has been falling asleep on the couch... while I am cuddled up with the dog. I think this may be a problem. I'm not sure...

I cleaned the whole house yesterday... by myself. I keep analyzing why this is a problem. Is it a problem? I am torn. I mean I am technically the "homemaker". It is my main job to provide the organization and structure of the home. I decorate it and clean it. If I had to put it in numbers... I do 90% of the cleaning. The kids contribute 10% depending on their schedules. I do 98% of the laundry. Kris does 50% of the cooking, the kids do 30% and I do 20%... Sometimes I feel this is lopsided. However, if you look at the amount of free time that all of us have... Kris has the least available time. His work and paperwork combined eat up almost all his waking hours. I guess this would be a nonissue if I didn't work. I work ALOT. Therefore I think the division of household labor should be more even. I work anywhere from 24-30 hours a week. A lot of this is nontraditional hours and I bring in 30-40% of our combined income. So I feel like I should not be the one cleaning up after everyone. Yet I am. Consistently. Last week I even cleaned out Kris's truck and recycled all the cans in the back.

The other night the kids had a hot tub party. Uber fun and exciting. It was especially fun when Amanda and Brooke dropped cold water on the teenagers from the deck. Loud and wet and giggly. Then the next morning they all left. And they left their mess with me. Towels and towels and clothes and food messes.

But they went to a Read the Book A Mormon a thon at a church leaders home. So I am torn. My kids are super super good kids. I mean seriously. They have now been studying scriptures for 48 hours. So I shouldn't be upset that I have to clean up after them on a regular basis should I? They aren't out partying, they all get excellent grades.. they are just amazing little people. Who don't clean up very much.

So I am here, alone at the house. I bought garbage bags for the leaves that need to be raked. I have thought several times about raking the leaves in the lawn. I called Stefani and asked her if I should. I told her if I rake all the leaves then I will be mad at her dad for not doing it. So we made the joint decision that I should not rake the leaves. I should leave them for him. But now I am going to stew about the leaves moldering on the lawn. That I could have raked up today.

So the point of all of this... is sometimes I get a little tired and grumpy. Because it isn't always fun being the one that cleans up after everyone. I never really realized that this is a mothers lot. But it is. In my perfect world there would be more balance and everyone would do more to make this even. How do I get my kidlets and spouse to help more without being a giant, cross, witch? Because sometimes the only way they get that help is needed is for me to finally vent...

And I don't like to yell or to have to assign people tasks. I want everyone to like me, to love me even and to help me consistently.

At least I have the dog....