Good-Bye For Now

(Photo courtesy of my cousin Erica)
Last Friday I had a long day at work. I had 3 surgeries I helped with and after lunch I did a chemotherapy infusion for one of my favorite patients. I could feel the fatigue setting in. My feet felt swollen and all my muscles ached. As I drove home, I received a call from mom that my dear Gpa Lyle had suffered a hemmorhagic stroke and was expected to live 12-24 hours.

Kris said to me, "you should think about going up there.". I hesitated for a bit, because I have watched so much of these things as a nurse over the years..and I didn't know if Gpa would even know I was there. I decided to go and in about 10 minutes I threw together a bag for a day or two which did not include any makeup or toiletries. I got in the car and proceeded to drive almost straight through to Vancouver minus one little pullover by a State trooper.

I thought about a lot of things driving up there. I remembered many of the visits grandpa had made to our home in the last 5 years after grandma died. I remember him playing the harmonica and taking us to Chinese food. I remember him sleeping on our couch and having a cookie for breakfast. I also remember when I was very young being on trips with him or visiting with him at his home in California.

It made me sad and reflective. I will no longer share my earthly experience with any of my dear grandparents. They will be gone.

I felt an urgency in my driving..and I didn't stop until at midnight I pulled into the parking garage of the very nice hospital that grandpa was at.

Gathered around his bed were my cousins, my Aunt, Uncle and my mom and Dad. And there was grandpa. Eyes open, smiling, and still with us. Over the next 15 hours we laughed, we sang and we prayed with him. He graciously interacted with us as much as his frail weakened state would allow. He dozed off and on and we kept vigil. At one point in the early morning, I had the privilege of being alone with him for about an hour. He slept and I reflected and held his hand.

Grandpa was so loved by so many. Ward members dropped in and said hello and the atmosphere was almost cozy.

When I had to leave Saturday, I cried a lot. It was hard to know that I won't see him until the next life. That he would die soon and I couldn't rewind a few years. It was like closing a door to my younger years.

Dad and his siblings made arrangements for him to be moved into hospice care and slowly he slipped from this life. On Wednesday morning he died. I spent Wednesday having lunch at the Chinese restaurant and drinking root beer in his honor.

I had planned to go see my brother in Michigan this weekend, but the plans of changed and now we will all be together to honor grandpa. I am excited to see all of my siblings and extended family. It will be a wonderful time to honor a wonderful man.

Today I went to get the mail. In it was a birthday check from grandpa. Signed in his beautiful handwriting. A beautiful goodbye ....for now.