Course correction

I was going to try to put my feelings about being a mother down in written form. One of my favorite bloggers was sponsoring a contest for mothers day on the topic. So, in my head I've been really pondering my thoughts on mothering. Being a mom to my crew is an enormous task. Over the years I have realized that each one needs different things and at times some require much more attention and special care...and then this week happened.

I took Brooke to piano lessons and wrote my monthly check for lessons and scheduled the times for this month when the kids would have lessons. At least four nights a week I help Brooke and Amanda practice. They do pretty well with this routine. They are each learning at their own pace and Amanda enjoys it and Brooke still does too, I think. Hailey has never enjoyed piano. We always fight about it. I told her his could be her last year and we've been doing twice monthly lessons and trying to make it count as a personal progress goal.

I picked her up from school yesterday and this was our conversation.
"mom ...Im going to dads practice and then to Young Life with Alycia..." to which I responded..."no you are not. You need to practice for your lesson tomorrow ". Which quickly degenerated into an argument/ lecture. She again declared she was quitting piano (she has now quit 100 times at least) and I responded with various themes on " I've given you this expensive gift you've wasted" and "I'm trying to teach you to not quit things" as well as the ever popular "I'm tired of always bargaining with you in a manipulative way"... Then I tried the " so what if I let you go to young life?". To which she answered, "Well then I would practice for 45 minutes. "

Bingo ...

Suddenly it hit me that we have big problems. I need to totally revamp our interaction. I need help. And I really don't know what to do. But today I am telling her teacher that she is done with piano. Maybe removing this from the equation will change things up.

I've also decided that we need more hugging....less criticism (me)and more positives.

This would not work in every case but it is just the inspiration I received for this case. Which is really what parenting is. There is no one size fits all.

This is the point in my life ..that aha moment when you suddenly realize that your own parents probably had similar feelings with you and that they really tried their best. You feel bad for the times when you thought you would be a better parent than them. Life has a way of making you eat your words.

This is the time when I know my kids will go through all these same feelings...their idealistic 20's..the early parenthood and testing their theories they just know will work and the eventual emergence of their own offspring's identities.....and knowing that people come to earth as distinct beings with traits and qualities that are their own. In other words..my children are not me.

I will probably not have any girls that play the piano as adults. They will not accompany choirs or play the organ. This is sad. I will grieve a little. I have girls that play basketball and volleyball. Girls that are strong willed and not shy.

Stefani called the other day and is doing gymnastics...she learned how to do a handspring. I was thrilled. I used to do back handsprings. I think I began to tell her about all the things I used to do. I miss burping able to make my body do those things. In my joy to connect and compare with her about this accomplishment I made it about me instead of her. She doesn't care about what I used to do. She is happy that she can do it and wants me to be happy about it for her.

I wonder why my kids compare themselves to each other and also to others. Is this something I actively encourage?

I want my daughters to love themselves for who they are and not feel like they have to be like me or one of their sisters...but just to be themselves and have that be enough ...

So, I am not going to write that piece on being a mother. I'm going to do some changing in my mothering.